Last night I stayed awake until after 2am. At around 1:30 my husband, who had fallen asleep downstairs, came up to our room to go to bed and found me sitting on the floor surrounded by piles and piles of patterns feverishly typing away on my computer. "What ARE you doing" he asked. He had a look on his face that said he thought I might have finally just lost my mind completely. "I'm listing" I answered "Listing WHAT, do you know what time it is?" I was irritated, I had already told him I had opened a new shop on etsy, doesn't he ever listen :) What followed was a long conversation about profit margins and a bunch of other business statistics that made my brain go numb and ended with my husband deciding it would never be profitable and wasn't worth the time I would invest in it, why, he asked, would I want to waste my time and energy, especially with everything else I have on my plate?
It was a very legitimate question and one that got me thinking about why my little venture meant so much to me. Very simply, it is MINE, that's why. That might sound silly but to me it's huge.
My life does not belong to me, it hasn't since the moment the stick turned blue 15 years ago. This was fine with me, I accepted and embraced the fact that from that moment forward someone else's needs would always come first. As the years went by it became 4 other someone else's that came first and I kind of forgot what it was like to be anything other than a mom.
I started sewing about 3 years ago and from the very start it was like therapy. It was something I could immerse myself in completely and take a break from all the chaos of the day. Maybe it was the focus and concentration sewing entails, I'm not sure. Sewing became the one thing I did just for me, because I wanted to, because I loved it. It also gave me a sense of accomplishment and pride on days when I felt like I was floundering in other areas of my life.
Over the past few years I've realized how important it is, as a mother, to have something that you are passionate about that is all yours, I remember someone telling me "you gotta have your 'thing'" Something in your life that is a constant, that you love to do, that holds your interest and takes away the stresses of life, if even for just a bit. I guess most people call that a hobby, to me it's "my thing" and my thing became sewing and vintage design. It beats drinking, right, which I'll be honest. some days is my first instinct.
So to all you moms out there, who give and give and rarely think of taking, who forgo privacy, personal space and time for themselves, I hope you too have or find "your thing". You deserve it!
4 days ago
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